Hope

I've been crying all day. Every time I hear the words President Elect Obama, or President Obama, the tears just seem to flow. Not out of sadness or anger, but of great relief, joy, and hope. Hope. One word. One word meaning to desire with expectation of obtainment, to expect with confidence. Hope.

I didn't realize how much hope I had lost until it all came back to me in one blinding instant. In truth, part of me had given up on my country. I was angry and upset and made comments about leaving. Canada, I would say, or perhaps Australia. Any place but here. Others told me I should stay. Intelligent people are needed here. They are needed to fight. They are needed to tell the truth about what is going on. We can't just run away and let the others take over. Besides, the other countries may not want me. But I had almost given up. I felt there was nothing to fight for. The people of my country weren't willing to listen to reason. There were people voting against Obama just because of the color of his skin. They were taken in by stories of fear and hatred and didn't try to see things from other points of view. The opposition were liars and mudslingers who couldn't attack Obama's morals or character so they tried to bring him down anyway they could, even implying he's a terrorist. Why should I stay and help fight? Why should I stand up for those that don't care or try to understand?

Even on election day, I was stressed and tense. Yes, the polls showed Obama ahead. Then again, there's always the Bradley effect, or the polls could be wrong. McCain has been the underdog before, and won. Obama wasn't going to win. He couldn't win.

He did. Oh, he did. He won. When I saw the electoral votes on the screen and heard the cheers, yells, and clapping I was stunned. And I've never felt so full in my entire life. I don't know how to describe it other than full. It's a mix of many, many emotions that spill out at random moments. If I don't cry or sigh or breath deeply every once in a while, I think I may explode into a million pieces.

At the Obama party I went to, some of the people there has been a part of the Sacramento campaign from the very beginning (how many years ago was that). They had hope from the beginning. They believed they could change the country, and they did. I wish I had been strong enough to believe as they did and help more then financially. I wish I hadn't taken my current class, but spent the time calling and canvassing. Sure, talking to strangers scares the hell out of me, but you know what? I've learned in the past day you don't get any where without knocking on a few doors. Yes, you may make enemies, but you'll also make friends and it's those friends that helped Obama win.

My country gave me hope yesterday. It made me a realized that even in the worst of times, optimism and hard work can change the world. Having lived through this, I will no longer be my pessimistic self. Oh yes, I will complain, but I will never threaten to leave. I will stay. When things seem dire, I will do what I can to fight. I have learned my lesson about staying in the wings during a fight and will not do it again.

The one sadness I have is prop 8. But I know this is just an obstacle in the path. An unfortunate obstacle and one that affects my family directly (a marriage in my family will be annulled a second time). But I believe the gays and lesbians will get their rights. We have a history of changing and learning to accept. Just look at our President Elect (oh geesh, there goes another tear). Their rights will come and I hope to be out there fighting for them.

Hope. I have hope again.