I visited my great Aunt today. Last week I found out she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which is something that, in reality, there are no effective treatments.
My Aunt and I are not that close (heck, there are very few people I'm close to). She's in her 80's, I am not. She's a Fox news loving republican, and, again, I am not. But she is a good kind-hearted (yes, despite her unfortunate politics) woman. During the small amount of time I've spent with her, I think I can assume we would have been great friends if we were the same age. At least I know she would have gone bungee jumping with me. That's one thing I'm sure of.
My first impression when I walked in today was, wow, she looks old. She's in her 80's so she has a right to look old, but today lying down in that hospital bed that my uncle managed to find and set up in their house with the metal railings and floral blue sheets - she looked like that stereotypical nursing home, bedridden, little old lady. I didn't even recognize her at first. It must the be the lack of energy and color that usually accompanies her animated hugs, or seeing her in pink PJ's for the first time. My aunt not dressed in something tailored and nice? It struck me hard.
She's made the decision not to go through chemo, so right now we are hoping for spontaneous remission. I have a feeling the likelihood of that happening is on par with the likelihood of world peace. I respect her decision. Chemo isn't easy and there's not much chance of it working, so why go through it.
She also said something interesting today. She's made the decision for the next few months to do what makes life worth living. I wondered what that is. She spends a lot of time reading. So is does that make life worth living? Books? What about friends and family? What happens if you don't have anyone? What about work or doing good things for others? What can one do in a few months that makes living worth it? What can we do in the years to come to make life worth living? Is learning and being smart that that important or is it just enjoying yourself with the world around you - whether it be books, TV, or deciding to get that new smart phone?
I don't know. I'm going to go read my law books though. Maybe they'll provide an answer.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
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